be the change.

If you know me, you know that I’ve been wanting to move to California for years! I feel passionate about being a part of the entertainment industry and I know LA is one of the most realistic ways to get involved in it. My dreams are there, whether that means actually being a part of the industry or being a part of the lives of those already in it. I am drawn towards those people and that world because I feel passionate about loving them and spreading the light of Jesus with them! :)

I’ve been planning to move to LA for the past 4 years, I always used money as an excuse, and it’s a good one! Haha. LA living is expensive and I’ve been blessed enough to live in a home with my family and not have to pay rent cause I don’t love the idea of rent. Money has stopped me many times, but most recently what is stopping me is my family. No, not actually them stopping me, but me loving them so much and them being such an important part of my life that I can’t imagine not seeing them everyday. The longer I stay the more I don’t want to leave. But, there is something in me that is always tugging on my heart to go after my dreams and I just can’t push that away. Since the the permanent move to LA makes me very sad to leave my family, I decided that I want to try living there temporarily. It’s sort of like test driving the city. I’ve saved up enough money to live there for a couple months and see where my heart is at the end of the trip. I realize this isn’t necessarily normal, but I feel like right now this is the best thing for me to do. I will get the opportunity to live in LA, feel it out and most importantly spend a lot of alone time which will help put this journey, my dreams and my life into perspective!

SO, I will be living in LA for the summer! I wouldn’t exactly call it moving, it’s more like a LONG vacation! :) I’ll be coming back home at the end of the summer either way and decide what my next move is from there! I’m looking forward to this adventure, to finding out new things about myself, exploring a new city and getting closer to my Creator! I will miss my family more than anything, but I still somehow feel at peace! :)

I am heartbroken.

I don’t watch the news. I don’t WANT to watch the news. The news sends me into depression. If I watched the news on a daily basis, or even just once a week, I honestly believe I would be living my life in depression. I can’t simply watch horrible things happen to people, hear about murders and awful things going on in this world and let it go. I CAN’T let it go. I feel. I’m 24 years old and I have watched the news probably under 10 times in my life. This world is broken and it makes me sad. I don’t want to spend my days hearing about everything bad that’s happening in the world, I’d rather focus on the good. However, I’m not ignorant to the things going on the world. I hear about them from my family, friends and social media. When something truly devastating has happened, I don’t like to talk about it right away, I like to read about it and educate myself, but I have to get prepared. I prepare myself to FEEL because I refuse to hear about tragedies and NOT care. I WANT to care, I want to put myself in the place of those who are victims and feel even a fraction of what they’re feeling, which is what tends to depress me. 

I have been reading articles about the tornados and disasters that have happened in Oklahoma. I am sad. I am heartbroken. I’m in tears. Hundreds injured and many fatalities. Children. A school full of children was ripped apart. People are hurting, people have lost the ones they love, people have lost everything they own. Possessions aren’t nearly as awful as losing a loved one, but if you can even imagine what it’d be like for you to have your house ripped apart, your photographs, your journals, your favorite items… gone and you can’t get them back. Can you imagine it? Can you imagine sending your child to school and not getting them back?Can you imagine no longer having any photographs of your childhood? Can you imagine knowing your grandmother is all alone in a house that’s about to be torn apart? Can you imagine waking up and realizing that it is NOT all a DREAM?! It’s hard to truly imagine it if we haven’t gone through it. But we can try and we can empathize. We can show empathy, which really won’t help those who are involved physically, but it helps because once we imagine what they’re going through and feel for them, we can pray for them. Not a shallow prayer but a prayer filled with FEELING, HOPE and FAITH. We can pray for them and if we are in the place to help, we can send money. We often write off donating because we don’t see how much of a big deal this really is. It’s true, money can’t HEAL them. But if you just lost everything you owned, no longer even had a home, I think money would help. Actually, I KNOW money would help. I’ve been blessed enough to live a life where I haven’t lost someone who is very close to me, but I have lost my possessions in a fire. However, what these people are going through is much worse than what I went through, I was able to go into my apartment and save a few things that mattered most and I had most of my photographs and memories at my family’s home. I’m so thankful for that! Money that people donated helped me buy clothes, because I only had the clothes on my back. Money helps and prayer helps. Prayer helps because I believe the only way you can be HEALED from something like this is to have a relationship with Jesus. To trust that He is ALL that you NEED, because He is ALL that you HAVE. That’s what healed me, so I have FAITH that’s what can heal others.

My heart goes out to everyone affected. I love you. 

“Bullying’s not cool. And I’ll tell you, in the 2nd grade I tried to fit in with so many people that I was probably the biggest bully in the whole school. But once I got into 3rd, I started to realize what a jerk I was being to kids and what it could do. And then in the 4th, I really started realizing it was gonna hurt someone, so I decided to BE COOL WITH EVERYONE.” - Trey, Age 11

That’s a quote from the documentary, Bully. This documentary has some language and disturbing parts, but the most disturbing part is that it’s REAL LIFE. It shows how some people ACTUALLY get treated and it’s not right. I highly recommend this movie. Even if you’re someone who isn’t a bully, this movie brings verbal and physical abuse into the light so that we can see how some people have to live and what they have to put up with. And even more importantly that just UNDERSTANDING how people are treated, we can begin to be COMPASSIONATE towards ALL people. Everyone has a story and everyone has a struggle. 

This young boy who I quoted lost his best friend to suicide after he was bullied repeatedly at school. Why can’t it be this easy for all of us? Trey puts it in the simplest way possible, he just DECIDED to be COOL with everyone. Even if you’re not a bully, chances are there are people you’re not “cool” with. But why? Who are WE to decide who is “deserving” of love and who “deserves” to be treated right?! That’s CRAP! If Jesus only died for the people who “deserved” it… we’d all be HOPELESS! We’re not going to AGREE with EVERYONE ALL the time, but we can ALL agree to put our OPINIONS to the side and simply LOVE others and TREAT them how we want to be treated, even in the middle of our disagreements!

Let’s all make an effort to just… be COOL with EVERYONE! :)

I didn’t write this, but I wanted to share it. So beautiful

Twas’ 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38
when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven’s gate.
their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.
they could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.
they were filled with such joy, they didn’t know what to say.
they remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.
“where are we?” asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.
“this is heaven.” declared a small boy. “we’re spending Christmas at God’s house.”
when what to their wondering eyes did appear,
but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.
He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.
then He opened His arms and He called them by name.
and in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring
those children all flew into the arms of their King
and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,
one small girl turned and looked at Jesus’ face.
and as if He could read all the questions she had
He gently whispered to her, “I’ll take care of mom and dad.”
then He looked down on earth, the world far below
He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe
then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,
“Let My power and presence re-enter this land!”
“may this country be delivered from the hands of fools”
“I’m taking back my nation. I’m taking back my schools!”
then He and the children stood up without a sound.
“come now my children, let me show you around.”
excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.
all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.
and i heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,
“in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT.”

I can’t even begin to imagine how the families of the victims of the Sandy Hook shooting feel. Well, I can BEGIN to imagine and then I almost stop myself because it’s so heavy on my heart. But I try anyway. I try to put myself in their place, I try to imagine losing the most precious thing in my life, I try to find peace amongst the chaos, I try to feel what they’re feeling. And if I’m feeling even a slight percentage of what they’re feeling… then I literally can’t imagine what they’re feeling. I’ve cried multiple times thinking about this. I don’t mean tears rolling down my cheek slowly, I mean sobbing uncontrollably. To try to put yourself in someone else’s place is one of the most difficult acts of empathy, but it is so precious. I know that me, imagining what their feeling, doesn’t help them in reality, but it helps me to see a glimpse of how their feeling and empathize with them and pray for SPECIFIC things and healing in their life. And even though sometimes prayer can seem silly, and make you wonder if it’s actually doing anything at all, the comfort of being ABLE to pray for those who are hurting is enough.

I wrote a blog not too long ago about the Aurora shooting. That one was hard to write. I cried with that one too. I cried a lot. Losing anyone of any age is a difficult thing. But this one does hurt my heart a little more. To think about these children who were so young, so innocent, so PURE. They were vulnerable and accepting. Children are some of the most forgiving people ever. They are dreamers and believers. And to think someone could somehow kill them, is something I can’t understand. Most of the time, I can put myself in that scary place of the one who killed others. I tried to do it with the Aurora shooting, put myself in his place, it helped me to realize how hurt (or maybe mentally ill) that man had to be to want to kill those people he didn’t even know. No amount of hurt or mental illness EXCUSES someone to act that way, I’m NOT defending anyone who commits a crime of this nature AT ALL, but people don’t hurt others senselessly unless they have been hurt themselves. I don’t think people who kill others are monsters. They weren’t born killers, they were born CHILDREN, just like the children of the lives that were lost. I think those who are able to kill innocent people are broken into a million pieces inside, I think over time their hearts have become full of hatred and they’re unable to forgive. I think they hate themselves and their life so much to the point where they want other people to be miserable too. And I can’t imagine hating my life to that kind of extreme. I am a very understanding person, but I can’t quite understand how this man killed 26 people and was fine with it. I can’t understand how he could shoot a child who has done nothing wrong, whose face is full of light and hope. I try to put myself in his place, not because he deserves it but because I want to understand, but this time I can’t. 

I try to find forgiveness for this man who chose to do the wrong, selfish thing. I don’t necessarily think we should forgive this man for his sake, he’s gone, he’s not looking for forgiveness anyway. But I don’t think people can ever truly heal if they are still angry. Right now it’s so soon after the tragedy, so of course those affected are going to have mixed emotions of depression, sadness, anger, desperation, confusion… that’s normal. But I pray that someday, whether soon or far in the future, that the families of those who were lost can somehow forgive this man, so that their OWN hearts can heal. I’m not mentioning his name this time, because I don’t think we should remember it. His name shouldn’t be spoken so often that we all know who he is. I would rather name all the victims. I hesitated naming them, because so many are so young, but I feel like they will only be remembered for their LIGHT, which is beautiful! I will send you to a site, it gives details about some of those who died and names the rest of them and their ages.

Read it here

I’ve spent time reading articles about this tragedy, looking at pictures and letting myself feel something. When we hear things like this, it’s so easy to disconnect ourselves. If it doesn’t happen to us personally or in our city, we often don’t let ourselves feel. We feel bad, sure, but we don’t actually let it sink in. I urge you to let it sink in. Try to imagine what it would feel like to drop your child off at school and never see them again. Imagine what it’d be like to hear your sister stood in front of her students being willing to get shot to protect those children. Let yourself feel it! Put yourself there! I am guilty of trying to disconnect too. I don’t watch the news, I hate it, I have no desire to learn about all the horrible things going on this world. If I watched the news daily, I would surely live in depression. But when things like this happen, it affects so many of us, or at least it should. I hear people say they don’t want to read about it or hear about it because it’s too sad, and I understand that completely. But I think sometimes, you need to let yourself experience it. Don’t let yourself forget about this tragedy without feeling it first. 

To know that those children are all in heaven, is such a beautiful thing! They are dancing and laughing with Jesus and they are SO happy! They are in a MUCH better place than this world! 

Revelation 21:4 
”He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

I have been wanting to blog about this topic for quite some time but I think I needed some time to calm down, because I was a little too upset about it. Let me start by saying, I have always had some sort of fascination with Christian celebrities. Why? I am a Christian, I love Jesus with my whole heart and I live my life for Him alone. I have also wanted to be an actress for most of my life, not for the fame or the money, but for the joy of doing what I love, acting. I think that fame is a burden that comes with having a job in the entertainment industry, but when people are able to use their fame to GLORIFY GOD and give HIM the credit, I LOVE it! That would explain why I love to hear about Christian celebrities, because I have always dreamt of being one. Not of being a “celebrity” because that doesn’t matter to me in the slightest, but of being an actress and being able to use the position that people in entertainment industry have not to please myself but to CHANGE THE WORLD, to promote LOVE and to have Jesus’ LIGHT SHINE so brightly through me that the only explanation there could possibly be for it, would be a higher power, the God and Savior of the universe, living IN ME!

When I find out someone, anyone, is a Christian and actually lives a life that is pleasing to God and aims to act according to Biblical principles, I am so excited! Especially when it’s a celebrity. Not because they’re “cooler” or “prettier” or “popular” but because they are looked up to by the world. Unfortunately, in our culture we look to the entertainment industry for what to do, how to act, who to be and what the believe! I would love for that to NOT be an unfortunate thing, which is why I love when there is a LIGHT in that industry, a light that is saying “Don’t look at how good I am, look at how GREAT Jesus is!”

Now to the part that is upsetting me. Many people who start out as Christians in the industry, somehow fade out of it. I understand, I do, the atmosphere in Hollywood and in the industry in general will eat you alive. If you don’t EXACTLY who you are and what you stand for before you get into that world, you will lose your morals very quickly. However, somehow I still have so much hope and faith in these Christian celebrities, because I want them to influence the world in the best way possible! In the past couple months I have been learning about these young Christians in the industry, who no longer where their purity rings. Is it necessary to wear a purity ring? Absolutely not! Is it a sin to take it off? I don’t think so, no. The reason this is upsetting is because of the replies they have given when ASKED about those rings. I don’t want to say exactly WHO said this, because I think it’s unnecessary, but I will tell you the quotes that I found from them directly, I even watched a video of one of them, flat out saying these words.

When asked, “Why do you not where you’re purity ring anymore?”
Someone replied “When I was 13 my mom spoke to me about purity and waiting for marriage… At the time I was like ‘Sure, that’s great’ but I can’t say what’s gonna happen a couple months from now. PEOPLE GROW.”

I admire the honesty in the previous quote, I do. EVERYONE makes mistakes, we’re ALL sinners, we all have sinned and will continue to sin. But my problem with this, is that it doesn’t look they this person things no longer staying pure would be a mistake. They apparently think it’s a part of “growing up”… which is really ridiculous to me!

Here’s another quote.

When asked “Do you still wear your purity ring?”
They answered “You know, everyone’s kinda growing up now. It was a decision made a long time ago, I’m a different person now.”

This next one doesn’t have to do with “purity” but is still a proclaimed young Christian celebrity girl. 

She was asked “You’re getting older! What is your favorite part of growing up?”
She answered “I guess I would have to say dressing sexier!” 

This whole “growing up” thing is driving me crazy! What the heck?! I’m honestly confused. Since when did adult= promiscuous? I didn’t realize the Bible said “P.S. Once you GROW UP, you don’t have to follow what I’ve commanded of you. You’re a grown up, therefore it’s okay if you lose all sense of morals.” Sorry if that’s harsh, but come on! I do NOT judge ANYONE who has sex before marriage. It is a very hard thing to follow through with… it’s not about them not being PURE, it’s about them saying “I grew up” instead of “I made a mistake, thank God for GRACE!” And yes, I understand that’s not a topic you want to talk about anyway in front of the public, but to use GROWING UP as an EXCUSE for LACK of SELF CONTROL, is pathetic. I would admire honesty so much more! I’m not upset that that they broke the promise to themselves, that’s none of my business, it’s that they DECIDED the promise was silly and no longer relevant. It’s not saying “I messed up, I’ll try to learn from this.” It’s saying “I know longer think THIS PART of the Bible is worth following.

I honestly don’t care that people mess up and go back on their word. I sin daily! I am continually working on things in my life. Always! I understand the making mistakes part! I need forgiveness everyday of my life! But if growing up means you completely give into every fleshly desire and no longer have any regard for the spirit, if it means you abandon all understanding and beliefs in morality, if it means going back on your promises to God with no intention of asking forgiveness, if it means that trying to live according to the Bible is childish… I pray I NEVER GROW UP!

**I want everyone to know that I do not claim to know everything about these people who said these quotes. I don’t know their intentions, I don’t even know if they were just misunderstood, I don’t know their heart, all I know is what they said… I am not angry at these people personally, I am just so sad that it is nearly impossible to find genuine Christian role models in the industry. And like I said, of course even the Christians in the industry will make mistakes, because we ALL do, but like I said, the thing that upsets me is that they don’t seem to believe they made a mistake, they believe they simply… grew up.

COMMUNICATE!

Too many of us spend our lives FEELING SORRY for ourselves waiting for someone else to say “What’s wrong?” “Are you okay?” “Did I upset you?” When really, WE should be the ones to say “Something is wrong.” “I’m upset and here’s why.” “I need to talk to you.”

Have a question? ASK IT! Feeling misunderstood? EXPLAIN! Are you mad? TALK about it! Tell people how you feel! We aren’t mind readers, we don’t just know. We need to be told how others are feeling so that we can help them, or empathize with them or explain to them we’re sorry we unintentionally hurt feelings. 

We are NOT children. We have COMMUNICATION SKILLS. And it is just SILLY to WASTE them! I genuinely believe there would be much more PEACE in this world if WE ALL COMMUNICATED with one another!

I have been figuring out what i want to say about the shooting in Colorado all day. I’ve read numerous articles on the incident, some from the perspective of policemen, some from the perspective of people who were there and survived and some from the perspective of the family of James Holmes.

Whenever i hear about a tragic incident like this, the first thing i do is put myself in their place. I imagine what it would be life to be one of the people in that theater. To them, the night was like any other, they went out to have some fun at a midnight premiere, but then something went terribly wrong. I imagine being completely confused when someone walks into the theater, stands in front and throws a gas bomb. Then i imagine dropping behind the seats trying to hide while being in complete shock of the gunshots that just went off. Can you imagine it? It’s hard… and any way that i imagine it, it will NEVER compare to actually living it, trust me, i understand that. But i try, i try to think what they were thinking. I try to empathize, which is so much more than sympathy. I imagine people calling people they love, trying to say goodbye. I imagine parents hearing about the shooting and trying to call their children that went to the premiere. I imagine praying… whether it’s someone who prays regularly or prays only when they are in trouble, i imagine people praying, asking for forgiveness and begging for protection. I imagine being completely and utterly terrified.

This is where things get …interesting. This is why i didn’t know if i wanted to write this blog or not. This is the part that will upset some people. I imagine myself as… James. The killer. I imagine having so much pain that the only thing i want is for others to feel pain too. I don’t know pain like that, most of us don’t and even if we did we can of course argue that we are not killers. But neither was he until last night. He was a kid, then he was a high school student, then a college student. He is a boy, with a mother and a father. He has a heart, it may be hardened and it may be numb, but it’s there. And maybe it wasn’t pain that influenced him to do this, maybe it was infact mental illness, like they are claiming. I try to imagine being mentally ill, not even being able to understand whats going on in my own head, let alone around me. Then i imagine walking into that theater with the intention to kill as many people as i can, and i believe that he was terrified, just like the people in the audience. Maybe i’m wrong, maybe he was confident and excited, which is quite disgusting, but i like to think the best, yes, even when it comes to murderers because they are people too. They were a child at one point, with hopes and dreams and joy. Then something happened to them, something i can’t even imagine, whether it was pain or a mental handicap… something happened that made them become almost unhuman, and yet they are still human. I put myself in the place of his mother, wondering how the child i raised could do something like that and being confused. Or maybe she knew he had something wrong in his heart and his mind and then she’s thinking, what could i have done to change him? To make him better?

Please don’t get me wrong, i am not asking for anyone to feel sorry for James. He certainly knew what he was doing was wrong and he chose to do it anyway. But how often do we do that? Probably every day. Yes, killing 12 people and injuring many more is diffferent than stealing something and knowing it’s wrong, because you are affecting so many more people than yourself. But as a believer, i have learned that sin is sin. God forgives ALL sin. Yes, ALL. He abandons no one. If James is in a cell right now praying to God, i promise you God is listening and God is saying “You are more than your mistakes. You have the chance to start again.” Because that’s the God i know, that’s the God i worship. I am 100% NOT defending James Holmes in this case, i think he deserves a punishment for what he did, what that punishment is, thats for another conversation.

I am extremely saddened and heart broken for the families of those who lost loved ones and for all those who are injured and will carry this horrific memory with them for the rest of their lives. When i honestly go to that place in my mind when i put myself in their place, i cry, i cry hard. My prayer is that they will turn to God in this tragedy. That they are somehow able to find peace in the midst of this chaos. And that after time they are able to forgive James for what he did, not because he deserves forgiveness, but because they deserve to HEAL and you can’t heal when you are angry.

I will continue to pray for EVERYONE affected by this tragedy.
I urge you, if you have some money to spare, donate to the families effected by this awful event. The Huffington Post has just opened their website to donations, click here to help Aurora!

Psalm 23
1 Peter 1:6-7
John 14:27
John 14:1-3
Psalm 30:5 

There are so many INSPIRING, beautiful and talented people. There are KIND people and generous people and people that think about others more than themselves. There is BEAUTY everywhere. Beauty in nature, in everything God has CREATED. There is beauty if you look for it. There is BEAUTY if you want to find it. 

INVEST your energy into looking for GOOD and positive things. Don’t waste time being upset over things that won’t matter tomorrow. Let things go.

If we weren’t so consumed with what’s wrong… we would be able to see EVERYTHING that is RIGHT!

When i was younger, and when i say younger i mean junior high AND high school, i use to lie to fit in. That’s right. I lied. Looking back at it now, I feel like a FOOL. I spent so many years trying to fit into this mold that i saw my friends fitting into, trying to be this person that i thought EVERYONE wanted me to be, trying to become more like SOCIETY to feel ACCEPTED. I still had the same personality i have now, because that’s me and i can’t and won’t change that, i was still the same person i am now, i just would lie occassionally thinking that i would appear to be better or more important than the person i really was.

I am so thankful that i love me now! My prayer is that everyone LOVES who they were created to be! Peer pressure can destroy someone and make them believe they are suppose to be something they’re not. We all have differences and we all have similarities, don’t change WHO YOU ARE to fit the mold. You’re not MEANT to be the mold! You’re meant to STAND OUT! You’re meant to BE YOU! Don’t be embarrassed of the things that set you apart, of your opinions and the things about you that are different, be PROUD of them! Own them! And never made someone feel less than simply because the way they live and who they are isn’t the same as you, because it’s not meant to be. 

LOVE YOURSELF. And LOVE OTHERS just the way they are!

‎”Some athletes & celebrities say ‘I’m not a role model.’ I say ‘Yes you are, you’re just not a very good one.’” - Tim Tebow 

If you spend time with children whether you’re a teacher, babysitter, parent, i can promise you that those children are watching you, trying to decide how to LIVE THEIR LIFE based on how YOU LIVE YOURS. We can be an EXAMPLE for children and people of WHAT TO DO and HOW TO ACT, or we can be an example of WHAT NOT TO DO and HOW NOT TO ACT. The choice is simple and the choice is all yours. 

Some of you might be thinking, “there’s no way i’m a role model to anyone” and maybe we aren’t, but i can gaurentee, SOMEONE is watching you and what you do. Strangers watch us. I love to people watch, which means that others enjoy people watching as well, which means people are watching me and they are watching you. You have to the power to show them what KIND of PERSON you are by the way that you act, you have the CHOICE to show them how to BE KIND and how to BE HAPPY and how to be FORIGVING. Or you have the choice to show them that you choose the EASY way out in life. That you choose to be selfish rather than selfless.

Chances are that we all have someone WATCHING us and our BEHAVIOR, seeing what KIND of PERSON we are, deciding what they are going to do by inspecting our ACTIONS. We ALL have the responsibility of being a ROLE MODEL… it’s up to you what KIND you want to BE.

P.S. We will never achieve perfection. So try to do the right thing, but give yourself a break when you make a mistake, because we are human and we will all make mistakes for the rest of our lives. We all mess up, we all fall short and we all need forgiveness. 

Children are easy to please, simple, HOPEFUL, optimistic, FORGIVING, BRAVE and creative and adults are… often the oppposite of all those things I mentioned. What happens to us along the way? Where do we lose our positivity? Our simplicity? When do we stop seeing the BEST IN OTHERS and instead start LOOKING for the worst? When do we stop FORGIVING and start HOLDING GRUDGES? When do we stop being brave and start LIVING IN FEAR? More importantly… Why?

Children love to day dream, to think up impossible scenarios and pretend like its their life! They love to be the princess or the superhero. They love to imagine the most exciting and fascinating things they can think up to imagine. Which makes them into big dreamers! Ask a child what they want to become and they will often say “Firefighter” or “Rockstar” or “Football player” they have big dreams and somewhere along the way, adults make them believe they can’t accomplish those dreams. What’s wrong with having a big imagination and being a FEARLESS DREAMER?! I admire children for their dreams! Adults on the other hand, we still use our imagination but we use it in the worst way. We use it not to wonder what COULD BE, we use it to wonder about the things that probably WILL NEVER BE. What a negative way of thinking and what a sad life to live. We don’t say things like “What if everything works out exactly the way i imagined and i live the life i always wanted?!” We say things like “What if everything goes wrong?” and “What if no one likes me, what if they judge me and laugh at me?” How foolish of us!

We could ALL learn MANY lessons from children! Get back to the basics, be a HOPEFUL DREAMER, forgive others over and over, be EASY TO PLEASE, be SIMPLE, be COURAGEOUS. Most importantly, don’t look at EVERYTHING that COULD go WRONG, look at EVERYTHING that COULD GO RIGHT! :)

Matthew 18:3-4
“And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

The other day i said the words “What do i have to do to make you happy?” to myself, thinking about another person. And then i realized, i dont. I don’t have to make THEM happy. I am not here on this earth to PLEASE others and to do what THEY want me to do. I am here to love them and to share Jesus Christ with them, yes, but i am not HERE to do what THEY SAY i should do. We are HERE FOR GOD. We are HERE to PLEASE HIM. It’s a lot easier to focus on pleasing one person, God, than pleasing the whole WORLD. Especially because whatever we do is GOOD ENOUGH for Him. God will never say to us “I’ll only love you if you do this and say this.” HE LOVES US no matter what we do or say! If we put our engery into pleasing the world, we would be easily emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually drained, because it is literally IMPOSSIBLE to please every single human being. They will ALWAYS be able to find something they DONT LIKE about us, something THEY want to CHANGE. Ignore them, they have NO IDEA what is BEST for you. I don’t even know what is best for me, but i do know WHO knows what is best for me, and that’s Jesus Christ!

They tell you to shut up after they said to speak your mind
They tend to judge your motives after you choose to be kind
They tell you that you’re wrong just to prove that they’re right
They claim to value peace but then try to pick a fight
They tell you to change when you express what you believe
They try to make you think you don’t deserve what you achieve
They tell you not to cry because they think it makes you weak
They push you to the edge to see if you’ll turn the other cheek
They tell you that you’re worthless if you dont practice what you preach
They see you make mistakes and say you have no right to teach
They tell you you’ll never win in this life they thinks a race
They sell you negativity to wipe the smile off your face
But God is saying “Speak to me! I want to hear every word
I want to listen and let you know that you are HEARD
THEY can’t see your HEART, so ignore what they have to say
They only see the OUTSIDE, they don’t know the intimacies you PRAY
My child, I didn’t make you for THEM, I made you FOR ME
So don’t be discouraged when they can’t SEE what I SEE
What I see is BEAUTIFUL, inspirational and TRUE
I see all the goodness because I’m who CREATED YOU
So look up my DARLING to find that I STILL CARE
I’m the ONLY ONE you’ll ever NEED and I’ll ALWAYS be there.”

I have been told before, by friends of mine, that i appear to “have it all together.” That i have life figured out, that i know what to do, what to say, what to change and what not to change. So i decided i wanted to write a little something with some of my flaws, because i never want to be perceived as “having it all together” because i don’t and i never will. I will always be learning. And thats what my blogs, my poetry and my writing is about! Its not about ME telling YOU what to do and how to act, its about ME telling YOU what I’M LEARNING and what i’m trying to grow in. I tell people how i wear my heart on my sleeve and i’m an open book.. and i think thats true. If you ask me a question, i will answer with honesty, but i’m not perfect and never will be, so without you having to ask, i want to share some things that make it clear i dont have life figured out, cause i dont want anyone to ever think that or think that i think that of myself. 

First of all, who am i to think that anyone even wants to read a huge thing about my flaws? Theres flaw number one. Haha. 

One of my MANY flaws, is that when i have been told that i “have it all together” it made me happy. Initially, it made me think to myself, “Wow, thats so great that people think that of me!” Then i have to check myself. I have to ignore my flesh and listen to my spirit which says to be humble. 

Most of my first instincts are flawed, because it’s my flesh. I have to fight my flesh on a day to day basis. It doesn’t come naturally, i have to make a consistent effort to tell myself “No, that’s not right. What does Jesus say about this?” Its hard, but just because it takes time and effort, i will not stop fighting my flesh.

I tend to think i do an okay job at being humble, which of course means, that i’m not humble. If i think i have humility, then i am full of pride… and i realize that. Humility is something i will continue to pray for, but only through the grace of God could that ever be accomplished. 

I have to stop myself from telling people about “good things” that i’ve done. Sometimes i want to tell people because i’m excited about what i did and my motives are simply to share a positive and uplifting story. But sometimes i want to tell people because i want them to praise me and telling me that i’ve done good. I realize that’s wrong, and thats an example of my first instinct, my flesh that i fight. I have to tell myself “No! I didnt do that for praise, i did that because it was the right thing to do. I did it to give God the glory and not to feel glorified myself.” I’m working on that.

I am a sarcastic person. I enjoy making people laugh and i think a lot of the ways i make people laugh is through my sarcastic humor, but i have to be careful to not be hurtful. I’m one of those people who can dish it out but cant take it. When others are sarcastic towards me, it often hurts my feelings, and yet i am sarcastic on a daily basis. I think there is a way i can be sarcastic without being rude or hurtful, but i have to figure out how. I never use my sarcasm to actually hurt people on purpose, i would never want that. I try to be aware of the things that i say and the reactions people have from them so i know if what i did was hurtful, but whether i am trying to be hurtful or not, sarcasm can be dangerous, and i need to find a better way to use that humor.

I get frustrated with people. Immaturity really upsets me in ways i can’t explain. But who i am to say whether someone is mature or not? People who don’t think before they speak, upset me. But that is one of my flaws myself, speaking before thinking, so i am trying to learn to think before i speak. People who are always negative and rude upset me, but i have to learn to be kind through the frustration. Its not easy, but its worth it… and i’m trying.

I love kindness, but it is easier for me to be kind to strangers and people i barely know, than to be kind to my family and my close friends. I honestly don’t know why that is, i wish i knew so i could fix it. I’m trying to work on being kinder to my family, but for some reason it just doesnt come naturally. Not that i am ever mean to my family, i just think i give them a harder time than i may give my friends and people i dont know, but i dont think i’m especially rude or mean to them. But i’m also not as kind as i could be, i’m not as kind to them as i am kind to people i dont know and i would like to fix that. I would like to be consistent.

Writing this required a lot of vulnerablity from me, which is also something i could work on. I would like to be more vulnerable with the people in my life on a day to day basis, i think vulnerablity not only makes us more open but it also can make us more sensetive to others, and thats a beautiful thing! 

This clearly was just a tiny portion of a long list of flaws and imperfections i have. But they are some of the ones i wanted to share, some of the things that i think people should know about me. :)

Jesus, 
You’re the Hero of my story and the rythm in my song
Without You, i wouldn’t have the strength that makes me strong
You’re the voice behind my words and the beating in my heart
In the puzzle of my life, You’re every intricate part
You’re the soul behind my thoughts and the passion in my dreams
You’re the lead character of my life, You’re the star of every scene
You’re the music in my head and the sunshine in my day
You’re the blue in my sky and the path in my way
You’re the friend that never leaves, You’re the courage when i’m brave
When you had to choose Your life or mine, i’m the one You saved
You’re the talent in my art and You’re the rhyme in this poem
You’re the hope that keeps me holding on, You’re my peace, You’re my home

I believe in having courage when you’re scared, being brave when its hard, having faith when things feel hopeless, being strong when everyone expects you to fall apart. I believe in these things not only because it helps us become more experienced, stronger and wiser but also because if we arent afraid to do these things with our lives, we might give someone else the strength to do something amazing with their own life.

If you work up the courage to confront someone or tell someone how you feel and they dont react the way you would have liked, its okay, dont regret it, be proud of yourself and know that you having the courage to do that could help someone else have the courage they are looking for. If you dont want to do it for yourself, do it just for the sake of helping someone else believe in themselves. Life is beautiful, dont waste it wondering what if…

I use to be the type of person, who would get upset and hurt if someone that i enjoyed talking to and someone that i cared about didnt care about me in the same way. And by use to, i mean a couple months ago. This is a new thing i’m learning.. and that new thing is, so what if they dont ask me how i’m doing everytime we talk. At first it would hurt me, i didnt understand why they didnt want to know about my life the way i wanted to know about theirs and then i realized how incredibly selfish that is.

Yes, i think you need a few quality people in your life that do care about you and your plans and your days, but with the other people i come in contact with, its okay if they dont want to ask about my day or ask me questions about my past or my likes and dislikes. I dont care anymore! Not in a rude way, in a genuine way, because i’ve realized that i am not here on this earth for myself, i am here for them, i am here for you.

So i will continue to be the person that listens to others and asks people how theyre doing and encourages them when they need it, even if they dont do the same thing for me, because its not about me. I dont need someone to be interested in me for me to be interested in them. I love everyone, therefore i’m interested in everyone even is they dont feel the same about me. Its a hard lesson. Its trying to teach myself selflessness, which is a nearly impossible thing to do in my life. I honestly dont think i will ever be completely selfless because my flesh wants to be selfish and i have to fight that… but i will continue to remind myself that others matter more than me. That i am here for them. And it makes it all okay. :)

I wrote a poem, this one is for all those who bully others… and its from everyone who has ever been bullied.

Those harsh and piercing words you speak make you feel like you are tall
But on the outside looking in, I can see you are so small
All you have learned to do in this life is tear down the helpless
What you’re doing isn’t working, who are you trying to impress
By making others feel weak, that’s exactly what you’ve become
You can’t feel the hateful words you say because you are too numb
You’re numb from the walls you put up to hide behind who you are
And if you do not tear down those walls, you will never go far
I imagine you hurt others, because someone has hurt you
But being mean isn’t the answer after being hurt too
Cause pulling people down with you won’t bring you any higher
And telling others they’re worthless only makes you a liar
When you try to rip others apart, it brings you to the ground
While you’re down there, look up and you’ll see no one else is around
Because every time you hit us, we come back even stronger
and every time you try to hold us down, we stand up longer
Even through the pain you have caused me, I only wish you well
I’d never hope for you to fail the way you’ve given me hell
I can see behind your vacant eyes and tough exterior
I pray you know your rudeness doesn’t make you superior
I hope you can find your way in life the way I have found mine
and I hope you don’t tear others down just to make you feel fine
If you love others, you will feel in your heart that they love you
Because it turns out that loving others means that you’re loved too
 

I am sick of people fighting bullying with bullying. Such a contradiction. Fight bullying with LOVE. And KINDNESS. 

I truly believe that TOGETHER, we can MAKE A DIFFERENCE. 

I’m a dreamer. I can’t help it. Thats how i’m wired. I dream. I dream big. Some call the dreams i dream “impossible” or “unrealistic” but i still dream.

If my dreams come true, then i’m happy and i’m a believer and i love life!

If my dreams DONT come true, then i’m happy and i’m a believer and i love life!

Because at the end of the day, i would have rather DREAMT and FELT something than to never have dreamt or felt anything at all.

Dreaming is what keeps me going.

Dreaming keeps me motivated.

And if those dreams don’t come true… i continue to dream. And i always will.

Because i will always believe that what you call “impossible” is actually POSSIBLE.

And thats enough fulfillment within itself. 

I met someone new today, i was told AFTER i met them and after i had already left where i was with them that they are going through a hard time right now and is in need of encouragement. When i was told that i thought “Man, i wish i knew that before i met them so i could have encouraged them and been especially kind and sincere.” And then i realized… that’s how i should be all the time. 

I’ve always love the quote “be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle.” i love that quote because it teaches us that we dont know someone elses life, we dont know their intimate secrets and struggles and we dont know everything theyre going through, so we should be kind because we might be the only kind thing in their life that day. Hearing this quote and liking it, is a lot easier than acting on it.

I think of myself as a generally nice person, but at the end of every day i wish i would have been nicer. I wish i would have said an extra hello, or given more hugs or smiled at more strangers or asked one more person how theyre doing. We can ALWAYS do better. I can always do more. We should never reach a place where we say “Well, ive learned all i can learn, i’m never gonna get any better than this.” We should be constantly and consistenly learning and growing and stretching ourselves. 

I was sad today when i realized that i wasnt as kind as i could be or as genuinely encouraging as i could have been to this new person i met without knowing they were going through a hard time. I want to be kind and nice and compassionate and loving WITHOUT knowing every detail of someones life. I want to do it because its the right thing to do, and because being nice to others makes me happy. I dont ever want to say “I wish i knew they were going through a hard time so i could have been nicer.” I should always be as nice as i can be in that moment. I should always be encouraging whether i think the person needs it or not. 

We should be kind no matter what we feel like!

Dont like the way your life is going? Dont like where you’re headed? Well however your life is and wherever you’re headed, is YOUR FAULT. Sorry if that sounds brutal, but i think its a lesson WE ALL HAVE TO LEARN. The good news? Even though YOU are the reason your life is the way it is, you can CHOOSE to CHANGE it.

In high school i was an extremely depressed teenager. If you know me now, you’re either reading this thinking “That is not possible” or if you knew me in high school you’re probably thinking “She did a good job at hiding it.” Because i did. I hated my life. It hurts my heart to say that now, because i can’t believe i didnt realize all i had then, but i did, i hated my life. I thought i was cursed with an unfortunate life and horrible family. Crazy, right? Considering how PASSIONATE i am about life now and how much i LOVE my family. I just felt sorry for myself. I was insecure and i went to school and faked it everyday. I faked happiness, which seems so SILLY now because i realize i could have CHOSEN HAPPINESS all along. 

Our life, the way each day goes for us, the way we feel at the end of the week… it is our CHOICE. It is up to me if i have a good day tomorrow or a bad day. I could get into a fender bender tomorrow, that doesnt necessarily mean i have a bad day unless i let that CHANGE my attitude into an angry mood. OR i could choose to be happy that nothing worse happened. 

We are constantly faced with choices, over and over, hundreds of choices a day, for some people it is COMFORTING knowing it’s our choice how our day goes, for others they dont like it, because they dont want to make an effort. Positive choices do take more effort, but they make for a more rewarding and purpose filled life. I promise, It’s worth it. 

I am proud of myself, not in a concieted-selfish-and-self-absorbed-kind-of-way, just in a being-proud-of-yourself-kind-of-way. Why? You ask. Because i had an idea and i did it, i made it a reality. We should always be proud of ourselves when our ideas and our dreams become our actions and our reality. 

At the beginning of August, a facebook friend of mine started making jewelry and selling it on an Etsy account. One day i looked at her jewelry and thought, that looks pretty easy and seems like a great way to be creative, i want to do that. Without researching, without watching jewelry making tutorials or anything of the sort, i went to Hobby Lobby and bought things that looked like they were necessary to making jewelry, then i went home and i made it. Then i realized other things i needed and kept going back to the store until i had figured out all the pieces and tools i would actually need to do this, and i did it!

Within one week of having the IDEA to make my own jewelry, i was actually MAKING my own jewelry. Now i have an Etsy account with my jewelry, and i have made almost 100 different items and sold 20% of what i made! Its exciting to have an idea and see it come to life. This jewelry thing, its just a hobby, a way to be creative and a way to spend my time productively, i enjoy doing it and i enjoy the thought of people wearing things that i desgined and i made.  

I encourage you all to ACT on your ideas! Do i act on all my ideas and dream? No, it takes work and effort and discipline, its hard. I’m a procrastinator. But we have to make the choice to do something we love and enjoy doing because those things will give us purpose and happiness. Dream and ACT on those dreams!

My Etsy account: http://www.etsy.com/shop/LeahHopeMancuso?ref=si_shop

I added a new dream to my list of dreams and wanted to blog about it quickly so that i always remember that i want to do this!

Since i am passionate about photography, not as a job but as a hobby, someday i want to travel the world and in every country that i visit i want to do a photoshoot with a couple that is desperately in love with one another! What a beautiful thing to document in all different places of the world! :)

I’m excited about this dream and i can’t wait til one day i have the funds and the opportunity to do this! :)

Lately, i have been getting very frustrated with people getting angry when other people make mistakes. Are we not ALL HUMAN? We ALL make mistakes and yet some continue to believe they are somehow better than others, which is an illusion. 

If the barista at Starbucks puts foam on your drink when you asked for no foam, dont demand them to remake it, i dont even like when people ask politely if they’ll remake it. I understand you paid for this drink and if it is literally a different drink then you ordered, then fine, ask politely for a the drink you ordered. But if they put regular ice when you asked for light ice, if they gave you skim when you asked for 2%, or if they gave you whipped cream when you asked for none… get over it! Unless you are allergic to any of those things and you are going to die from drinking that beverage, deal with it. Realize that you are NOT the only person in this world and that people make mistakes and its OKAY! Its OKAY to make mistakes, we are all at fault at some point, many points, in our lives, so let it be.

If the waiter spills a drink on your table, dont just sit there and WATCH them clean it up, that is silly. Yes, i understand, that is there job, but who cares? Be a decent and kind individual and tell them it’s okay they spilled, dont get upset, better yet, HELP them clean it up. After all, if it was you who spilled all over a table of strangers, wouldnt you feel a bit embarassed? So don’t add to the embarassment of others, rid them of that embarassment by letting them know that you make the same kind of mistakes, cause well, you do. Unless of course you’re perfect, in which case i would LOVE to talk to you about how much you and Jesus have in common.

Coffee baristas, waiters, nail technicians, sales associates, maids, … they are just like you except with a uniform, as a matter of fact, they are you. We all have jobs in which we make mistakes, no one performs flawlessly at their work, in life, with their families, no one is the perfect best friend. ACCEPT that people make mistakes, because you are part of that and wouldnt you want other to accept when you make a mistake?

I always talk about how amazing it is when you are kind to someone and they are shocked. I actually got a free drink at a restaurant the other day JUST because i was patient when they couldnt serve me right away and i kept telling them it was okay. I think it is such a beautiful thing to make others smile and to shock them with genuine love and kindness, but more than that, i wish we lived in a world where it didnt shock them. I wish we lived in a world where kindness was the normal behaviour and politeness was a part of everyones day and not just an option. That is the world i dream of. I pray that someday we’ll get there. 

We all have friends, family, coworkers… people who cancel plans on us. It happens all the time. And we cancel on others as well. I wish i could say i never cancel plans once i make them, but unfortunately i do. Things come up, life is unpredictable. Sometimes people cancel plans simply for selfish reasons, cause they woke up that day and no longer “felt” like hanging out, but sometimes its because of a valid reason like sickness or an emergency. Whatever the reason, it happens and we get to choose how we react to it. We can get angry hoping that it will make the other person feel bad and want to make it up to us, we can get sad and go into a temporary one hour depression or get over it and realize no one is perfect and cancelling plans shouldnt be made into such a big deal.

Now, there are some exceptions. If a “friend” consistenly cancels plans for no reason at all or is always texting you an hour before youre suppose to meet to say “sorry i cant” and if this is having an actually effect on you as a person, then that friendship might need to be evaluated. But if it happens every once in a while, you have a friend who is a little flakier then other friends… i say just get over it. Life is too valuable and precious to spend it being angry or sad about a coffee date or dinner plans.

I’ve learned to never get mad when people cancel, i guess i shouldnt say never. Like i said, there are some instances that are different and you should never feel like youve been taken advantage of, which is why i was skeptical about making this post, cause now you all know that no matter what, i will be okay with you cancelling plans and rescheduling. As long as you remember that your time is valuable, then when people cancel on you, its okay… because you can find something else worth while to spend time on. I try my best to never make someone feel bad for cancelling, sometimes i have to fight a little frustration, cause i’m human, but then i really do just get over it. I want to spend my life being happy and forgiving others, i dont want to live in resentment and bitterness, what a waste of a life. 

FORGIVE.
MOVE ON.
KEEP GOING. 

*but still, try not to say youre gonna be somewhere unless you actually plan on being there. we love people who keep their word. :)

Don’t listen to other people talk about their insecurities. Just don’t. If they are talking about them with you because they need encouragement, help or direction… that’s another issue, then listen to them and help in the areas that you can. However, if someone is complaining about their insecurities, flaws and imperfections just to complain… don’t listen to them! It’s not healthy.

Recently, someone in my life has been talking about how they want a nose job. I have NEVER thought this person had a large nose, or an odd nose, i never really thought about their nose at all, but they want a smaller nose. They believe their nose is too big for their face. When i first heard this, i thought that they were crazy! I of course know plastic surgery has unfortunately become very normal, but to shave down the bone of your nose just because you feel it’s not “picture perfect” is crazy. I think in some instances plastic surgery may be necessary, like if you are born with an irregular deformity or if you’ve been in an accident that has changed your natural bone structure… but other wise… i don’t like it. Its not natural and it’s not the way God designed for us to live. He created us, our bone structure, our nose, the size of our ears, how far apart our eyes are and he decided we are beautiful that way. And for us to say that HIS work of art isn’t good enough for us, must devistate Him. 

What i’m trying to say is, it’s not always safe to listen to others complain about the things they want to fix about themselves. Me, i’m confident, i love myself, i really do and i hate plastic surgery… but after listening to this person talk about getting the “perfect nose” i started to think… “Wow, my nose is kind of big… it’s definitely too big for my face, i can’t believe i never noticed this. My nose is absolutely hideous.” And i had to stop myself! Maybe you’re thinking, “Leah, why did you never notice that? Your nose has always been huge!” or maybe youre thinking “Leah, youre nuts, your nose is fine.” Either way, it doesnt matter what OTHER people are thinking, it only matters what I am thinking, cause I have to live with myself. 

I believe in ACCEPTING our “flaws”… if you can even call them that. I think the things our world describes as “flaws” are the things that make us different, unique and beautiful. Changing the outward appearance does not change the inside feeling. You can cut and pull and stretch and inject all you want, but insecurity comes from inside. If you’re not comfortable with who you are now… changing your looks won’t change that. 

LOVE YOURSELF.

The fact that Kim Kardashian is getting a divorce after 72 days of marriage upsets me. No, not because i thought they’d be together forever… but because half the world watched “Kim’s fairytale wedding” which was clearly not followed by a “fairytale” marriage. Not that there is just thing as a “fairytale” marriage, marriage is hard, its work, it takes time and constant consideration of your spouse’s feeling and if people aren’t prepared and mature enough to work hard at a marriage, they shouldn’t be getting married.

I’m upset because unfortunately, Kim seems to be one of the largest influences in the entertainment world, and since the entertainment world influences OUR world, OUR thoughts and OUR actions… she is helping divorce and naive marriages become more acceptable. It seems that she worked harder to make her wedding day perfect than she did to make her marriage work. THAT is why it upsets me.

Wedding days are beautiful, exciting and full of love… marriages are hard work, they take patience and selflessness. If you’re not ready for the MARRIAGE you shouldn’t be preparing for the wedding day. 

* I don’t mean to pick on Kim Kardashian, clearly i dont know her personally, she could be a very delightful lady. Also, i know she isn’t the only person who has had a 72 day marriage, but because this is what she is becoming MORE famous for, i wanted to share my opinion!

“If you go… they say you’re following
If you don’t… then you’re too good for them
If you smile… you must be ignorant
If you don’t… what’s your problem? 

If you’re down - so ungrateful
And if you’re happy - why so selfish?
And you can’t win, no
You can’t win, no”

These lyrics are from one of Kelly Clarkson’s new songs called “You can’t win”

I love this song… maybe it can perceived in different ways, but to me it’s clear that these lyrics are saying that no matter what you do, what you wear, what you say or look like… the people of the world will always find something wrong with you.

Thats the society we live in. We live in a world where people jump on your faults, flaws, failures, imperfections... everything that people can find wrong with you, they will and they will tell you… and if they don’t tell you, they are judging you or talking about it behind your back. I know thats not the most comforting thing to hear, but unfortunately, that is true for most of the population.  

The reason i love this song is because it says that no matter what you do, you can’t win… i know that sounds like a bad thing, but its not. You dont NEED to win with the people of this world. You dont NEED to please the people in your life. You dont NEED to act a certain way so the people around will like you.

I think at some point in everyone’s life we need to realize that we can NEVER make another human being completely happy. We’re not suppose to!!! We are humans, we do things wrong. And even the things we do right, other people will find something wrong with them because they are HUMAN as well.  

So to contradict the song, YOU CAN WIN… but you CANT do it by trying to make other people happy. YOU WIN by being yourself, loving yourself and being someone that God is proud of. You will never win with the people that surround you… because you don’t answer to them, they have unrealistic expectations of you. You answer to yourself and you answer to God, and with God… you ALWAYS win.  

speak LOVE

choose JOY

show KINDNESS

accept CHANGE

experience GROWTH

be POSITIVE

be HAPPY

be YOU

If you are a friend of mine, you know i have a dream that has been in my heart for most of my life. A dream that i have always known i will accomplish. A dream that i am certain will be my destiny. But lately… that dream has been terrifying me. Nothing has changed in the sense that it is still my dream. I want to be an actress. I love entertaining and i love acting. When i am on a stage or behind a camera, it just makes sense to me, i feel at peace and i cant explain. But my dream is in Los Angeles, because my heart is there too. My heart is with those people there… the ones in the entertainment industry and the ones on the streets. My dream keeps getting postponed… financially. I will not move out there unless i am secure in my financial position, not because i dont have faith that God will provide, but because when going after a dream, i believe wisdom is necessary as well as faith. As my dream is approaching even closer, i am getting more and more scared. Surprisingly, the reason i’m scared has nothing to do with my actual dream. I am still confident God gave this dream, i’m confident i will accomplish it, i am not afraid of rejection when i move out there… those things dont scare me. What scares me is leaving my family. Its as simple as that. I have become entirely too comfortable here at my home, being with my family everyday that i dont want to leave. And that scares me because i dont want to live a comfortable life. I want to live a daring, uncertain and adventurous life. When i am uncomfortable, i am forced to grow. When i’m comfortable… i stand still. I am moving to LA because i havent lost my passion for my dream… but i am scared to be taken out of this envirement that i have become so happy with. I know it is necessary though, change is necessary even though it may not be wanted. I know that when i move it will be hard for me, i know i will cry and i will miss my home and family… but i know that i will grow in so many ways that i cant grow where i am. I am excited… and i am scared. I’m thankful the move isnt happening for a couple more months, because i’m not quite ready yet. But when it’s time, i know i will feel peace. :)

Yesterday, one of my best friends in the world posted a blog about an insecurity of hers that barely anyone knew about. This friend of mine, shes amazing. She has never judged me, she’s always been accepting and open, she’s kind and considerate of other people. She trys her hardest everyday to be the person that God created her to be, and it’s truly beautiful being able to see her live her life. When she was younger, a person… a single person, made fun of her for this particular insecurity and from then on she decided to never show or tell anyone about it. Can you beleive that? I can. Because THAT IS HOW POWERFUL WORDS ARE. I am SO sick of people using words as a weapon. I know, i know, i talk about this all the time, but i dont think i could ever talk about it too much. Sometimes we say things and we don’t mean to hurt people, but we do… which is why we need to always think before we speak and ask ourselves if what we are going to say is going to lift someone up or tear someone down. But the worst part is, some people say awful words on purpose, with full intentions to hurt them, they use words as a weapon in their most literal sense. They emotionally and mentally hurt someone… which can change their lives physically. 

It took me a while to get to this place in my life, but i got here… and that place is that i realized that not one of us is any better than anyone else. We are all here on this earth, God loves us all and we all have the same choices to make and we all choose differently… so that makes us different, but still equal. People who hurt people on purpose, those people arent at that place i don’t think. Those people either think they are better than someone and want to bring others down so they can stay on “top” or they are insecure and think they are inferior to someone so they bring others down to try to feel better about themselves. Both aren’t right. We are all here on this earth together, so we should get along, uplift each other, encourage each other, pray for one another and genuinely want the best for one another. This world is not a competition, but it is a battle field, can you imagine what the battle field would be like if we were ALL on the same side? What a beautiful thing. 

“Words kill, words give life. They’re either poison or fruit… you choose.” - Proverbs 18:21

Are you familiar with Eminem? I’m not going to lie, i enjoy his music but some of the things he sings about are just unnecessary. Anyways, he has a song called “MY WORDS ARE WEAPONS” So if you don’t want to hear about it from me or the Bible… you can hear about it from him. I advise you to not look up the lyrics if you cant handle vulgar and obscene language, the verses of this song make me sick, i only looked at the words to write this blog… but in the chorus he says “My words are weapons, i use them to crush my opponents. My words are weapons, never show no emotion, my words are weapons, i use them to kill whoever steppin to me.” Which basically… proves my point. 

DONT BE MEAN! :)

I figured it out. What is this “it” i’m talking about? Life! I figured life out, or atleast i think. The key to a happy life is to be you. Yes, simple and perhaps a little disappointing, but let me explain why i think this has so much to do with life. I believe that God did not create any 2 people the same. I believe we are all different. Yes, we have similarities with our physical features and similarities with the things we like and dislike but we are all different. I don’t believe there is ANYONE in the entire world that has ALL the same thoughts, ideas, beliefs, experiences, dreams and creativity as i have. So what does that mean? Thats means if i am myself and not trying to be like anyone else, my life is successful. Maybe successful isnt the right word, but thats what i’m using.

You know how some people say “I have never met someone like you before”… they are saying that to the people who are true to themselves… the people who are confident in who they are and what they want in life. And you know those people who act like the majority? Those people who perhaps seem a little fake and way too familiar… those are the people who arent being themselves, they are copying other people, they are putting on the characteristics of someone they think is ideal, when really, what is ideal… is being genuine and sincere which means being you.

I think people who are themselves are winning. Is winning important? No, i dont think so, but let me explain. If you are infact completely yourself, if you are one hundred percent who you are then you no longer care about what other people have to say about you, because it doesnt matter. Dont get me wrong, i’m not saying that everything will roll off your shoulders and you’ll be living in a perfect world, that is hardly true… i’m just saying it is easier to accept the negativity when it comes to you when you are happy with your life and who you are. When you are who you are, you’re not doing it to impress, you’re doing it because you’re comfortable in your own skin. So when i say that those who are themselves are winning, i dont mean that life is a game about winning and losing… i mean that when you know who you are and are happy with yourself you no longer care whether youre winning or losing… which in turn, means youre winning. You see? :)

I have posted before about a single mother i met on the street one day named Holly. I met her almost 8 months ago when she didn’t have a job and couldnt pay rent. With the help of some friends we got enough money to help her financially for a couple months. We kept in random contact through email and phone calls but eventually lost touch. I saw her again on the same street corner on Thursday, i called her over to my car and talked a little to her. She called me later that day and we chatted and she caught me up on her life. She now has a part time job, which isnt all the money she needs but its better than nothing, and she is still looking for more work everyday. I am telling you all this to get to the part of the story that really upsets me… on the phone she told me that she would never ask for money on the streets again and i asked why not and she said because on thursday when i saw her a police man came up to her and asked her to leave. The reason the police man went to her is because they got a call that there was a woman on the street holding up traffic. This made me so upset. I understand that soliciting for money is not ideal and people don’t like having to talk to people who are asking for money, i get it. But to call the police because someone stopped their car for 15 seconds to hand money to a single mother trying to provide for her son, that is just crazy to me. Are we really THAT self absorbed that we can’t even let SOMEONE ELSE help ANOTHER person because then we don’t get to slam on the gas the moment the light turns green? I could not believe that someone actually felt the need to get the police involved. Selfishness is so upsetting to me. Can i be selfish? Of course, i think we all have certain areas in our life where we struggle with selfishness. But i try to be better and learn from those experiences and thats all i can do. And when i see someone be so self centered to the point where they want everyone to work around their time table, i cant stand it. Think before you act. Acts of selfishness come too often, we can each do our part to think of others FIRST.

One of my favorite shows is Friends. I love it. It’s hilarious. But anyways, there is an epsiode in the earlier seaons, first season i think, where Ross makes a pros and cons list of Rachel and why he should or shouldnt be with her. To get to the point, eventually Rachel tells him she doesn’t want to date him anymore because he did that. She says something like “How would you like it if the person you trusted most took the things that you feel insecure about and not only thinks them too but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you.”

Basically, don’t be mean to people. Yes, this quote is about two people who wanted to start a relationship, but whether someone is a stranger, a friend, a celebrity, a family member or a significant other, we should not be pointing out their flaws. Imagine the things that you dislike most about yourself… and imagine meeting someone new and them saying “You know what, i don’t really want to be your friend because you have a gap inbetween your teeth.”

We hurt people ALL the time. Why do we feel the need to point out the flaws and imperfections in others but get defensive when others do the same to us? I have always said that i wish we could just all universally agree to be nice to one other and since that doesn’t seem to be happening anytime soon, atleast those of us who CARE about other people can agree to be nice. People have enough going on in their lives without you attacking who they are and what they look like. Give people a break. Look at their beauty, at their talents, at the good. 

Whenever you make fun of another person, point out their flaws and weaknesses or bring up their past… all you are doing is showing others that you are an insecure person who needs to belittle others so that you feel superior and come off as confident. Or you’re just jealous. So which one is it? Why are you mean? Is it because you’re insecure… or because you’re jealous? Think about it. We need to change our attitudes and our hearts. Love others. ACCEPT others. BE KIND.