"But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9
I have cried every day for the past 3 weeks. I have always been a very emotional and sensetive person but for the past 3 years, ever since I’ve become genuinely happy and have a constant joy for life, I rarely cry. I still am a happy person, I love my life, my family and my friends. I have a faith that I am positive will help me and give me strength to get through the hardest of times. I am confident and secure in who I am and where my life is going because I have put controI in the hands of God, and that is a very difficult thing to do. I have gone through so much mental and spiritual growth in the past few years, and I am realizing that now is the time for emotional growth.
Why am I always crying? I’m exhausted, which leads to emotional exhaustion. I am so thankful for the life that I have and for the opportunity I had to grow up in a more than comfortable financial home, but now that things are not quite the same, it’s more than a wake up call. I am learning responsibility I didn’t realize I lacked and I am learning strength in things I didn’t think I needed strength in. I cry because I work 65 to 75 hours a week. Even just saying that, makes me feel awful because not only do so many people work more than that, but so many people get paid half the amount that I do and I have no right to be upset about the situation I am in.
I don’t want to be ungrateful, and I’m not, I love my job and I am so thankful for every moment I am working, but the hours still take their toll on me. I still think about what things would be like if my parents had more money, yes I would still be working to take care of myself, but I wouldn’t have the pressures put on me so heavily. I know what you’re thinking, this is what must happen in order to grow up, well… I don’t like it. I love being independant but I don’t love feeling like I’m on my own. I battle with myself daily to make sure I’m not complaining, to appreciate the job(s) that I have because so many would love to have a secure job to support themselves or their families. I battle with myself if it’s worth it… are my dreams really worth me working this much to save my money to go after them? I think they’re definitely worth it, but that doesn’t make it any less hard.
I am so thankful for my adversities that are making me stronger. I am so grateful for how much I work so that I can learn the real worth in a dollar. I am thankful I have the drive to work so that I can go after the passionate dreams God had put in my heart. I am grateful I have people in my life who support me and my dreams, whether I always can see that or not, I know they do. I am thankful for the painful growth and for the wisdom and the strenth. I have been feeling sorry for myself, and I am so upset that I’ve been doing that. I live an amazing, blessed and beautiful life and for me to not see that all the time, is a shame. There is nothing wrong with growing emotionally, I know it’s okay to cry, but it’s not okay to complain about the life I live, and I am trying to change that.
"But there is suffering in life and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it’s better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for you’re dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you’re fighting for. " - Paulo Coelho
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through the experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved." - Helen Keller
"The scenes we desire the least are those most important to the story being told." - Kurt Bruner
"But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded.” - 2 Corinthians 15:7
"Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perserverence." - James 1:2-3