Oklahoma.

I am heartbroken.

I don’t watch the news. I don’t WANT to watch the news. The news sends me into depression. If I watched the news on a daily basis, or even just once a week, I honestly believe I would be living my life in depression. I can’t simply watch horrible things happen to people, hear about murders and awful things going on in this world and let it go. I CAN’T let it go. I feel. I’m 24 years old and I have watched the news probably under 10 times in my life. This world is broken and it makes me sad. I don’t want to spend my days hearing about everything bad that’s happening in the world, I’d rather focus on the good. However, I’m not ignorant to the things going on the world. I hear about them from my family, friends and social media. When something truly devastating has happened, I don’t like to talk about it right away, I like to read about it and educate myself, but I have to get prepared. I prepare myself to FEEL because I refuse to hear about tragedies and NOT care. I WANT to care, I want to put myself in the place of those who are victims and feel even a fraction of what they’re feeling, which is what tends to depress me. 

I have been reading articles about the tornados and disasters that have happened in Oklahoma. I am sad. I am heartbroken. I’m in tears. Hundreds injured and many fatalities. Children. A school full of children was ripped apart. People are hurting, people have lost the ones they love, people have lost everything they own. Possessions aren’t nearly as awful as losing a loved one, but if you can even imagine what it’d be like for you to have your house ripped apart, your photographs, your journals, your favorite items… gone and you can’t get them back. Can you imagine it? Can you imagine sending your child to school and not getting them back?Can you imagine no longer having any photographs of your childhood? Can you imagine knowing your grandmother is all alone in a house that’s about to be torn apart? Can you imagine waking up and realizing that it is NOT all a DREAM?! It’s hard to truly imagine it if we haven’t gone through it. But we can try and we can empathize. We can show empathy, which really won’t help those who are involved physically, but it helps because once we imagine what they’re going through and feel for them, we can pray for them. Not a shallow prayer but a prayer filled with FEELING, HOPE and FAITH. We can pray for them and if we are in the place to help, we can send money. We often write off donating because we don’t see how much of a big deal this really is. It’s true, money can’t HEAL them. But if you just lost everything you owned, no longer even had a home, I think money would help. Actually, I KNOW money would help. I’ve been blessed enough to live a life where I haven’t lost someone who is very close to me, but I have lost my possessions in a fire. However, what these people are going through is much worse than what I went through, I was able to go into my apartment and save a few things that mattered most and I had most of my photographs and memories at my family’s home. I’m so thankful for that! Money that people donated helped me buy clothes, because I only had the clothes on my back. Money helps and prayer helps. Prayer helps because I believe the only way you can be HEALED from something like this is to have a relationship with Jesus. To trust that He is ALL that you NEED, because He is ALL that you HAVE. That’s what healed me, so I have FAITH that’s what can heal others.

My heart goes out to everyone affected. I love you. 

I didn’t write this, but I wanted to share it. So beautiful


Twas’ 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38
when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven’s gate.
their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.
they could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.
they were filled with such joy, they didn’t know what to say.
they remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.
“where are we?” asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.
“this is heaven.” declared a small boy. “we’re spending Christmas at God’s house.”
when what to their wondering eyes did appear,
but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.
He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.
then He opened His arms and He called them by name.
and in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring
those children all flew into the arms of their King
and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,
one small girl turned and looked at Jesus’ face.
and as if He could read all the questions she had
He gently whispered to her, “I’ll take care of mom and dad.”
then He looked down on earth, the world far below
He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe
then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,
“Let My power and presence re-enter this land!”
“may this country be delivered from the hands of fools”
“I’m taking back my nation. I’m taking back my schools!”
then He and the children stood up without a sound.
“come now my children, let me show you around.”
excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.
all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.
and i heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,
“in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT.”

sandy hook elementary school.

I can’t even begin to imagine how the families of the victims of the Sandy Hook shooting feel. Well, I can BEGIN to imagine and then I almost stop myself because it’s so heavy on my heart. But I try anyway. I try to put myself in their place, I try to imagine losing the most precious thing in my life, I try to find peace amongst the chaos, I try to feel what they’re feeling. And if I’m feeling even a slight percentage of what they’re feeling… then I literally can’t imagine what they’re feeling. I’ve cried multiple times thinking about this. I don’t mean tears rolling down my cheek slowly, I mean sobbing uncontrollably. To try to put yourself in someone else’s place is one of the most difficult acts of empathy, but it is so precious. I know that me, imagining what their feeling, doesn’t help them in reality, but it helps me to see a glimpse of how their feeling and empathize with them and pray for SPECIFIC things and healing in their life. And even though sometimes prayer can seem silly, and make you wonder if it’s actually doing anything at all, the comfort of being ABLE to pray for those who are hurting is enough.

I wrote a blog not too long ago about the Aurora shooting. That one was hard to write. I cried with that one too. I cried a lot. Losing anyone of any age is a difficult thing. But this one does hurt my heart a little more. To think about these children who were so young, so innocent, so PURE. They were vulnerable and accepting. Children are some of the most forgiving people ever. They are dreamers and believers. And to think someone could somehow kill them, is something I can’t understand. Most of the time, I can put myself in that scary place of the one who killed others. I tried to do it with the Aurora shooting, put myself in his place, it helped me to realize how hurt (or maybe mentally ill) that man had to be to want to kill those people he didn’t even know. No amount of hurt or mental illness EXCUSES someone to act that way, I’m NOT defending anyone who commits a crime of this nature AT ALL, but people don’t hurt others senselessly unless they have been hurt themselves. I don’t think people who kill others are monsters. They weren’t born killers, they were born CHILDREN, just like the children of the lives that were lost. I think those who are able to kill innocent people are broken into a million pieces inside, I think over time their hearts have become full of hatred and they’re unable to forgive. I think they hate themselves and their life so much to the point where they want other people to be miserable too. And I can’t imagine hating my life to that kind of extreme. I am a very understanding person, but I can’t quite understand how this man killed 26 people and was fine with it. I can’t understand how he could shoot a child who has done nothing wrong, whose face is full of light and hope. I try to put myself in his place, not because he deserves it but because I want to understand, but this time I can’t

I try to find forgiveness for this man who chose to do the wrong, selfish thing. I don’t necessarily think we should forgive this man for his sake, he’s gone, he’s not looking for forgiveness anyway. But I don’t think people can ever truly heal if they are still angry. Right now it’s so soon after the tragedy, so of course those affected are going to have mixed emotions of depression, sadness, anger, desperation, confusion… that’s normal. But I pray that someday, whether soon or far in the future, that the families of those who were lost can somehow forgive this man, so that their OWN hearts can heal. I’m not mentioning his name this time, because I don’t think we should remember it. His name shouldn’t be spoken so often that we all know who he is. I would rather name all the victims. I hesitated naming them, because so many are so young, but I feel like they will only be remembered for their LIGHT, which is beautiful! I will send you to a site, it gives details about some of those who died and names the rest of them and their ages.

Read it here

I’ve spent time reading articles about this tragedy, looking at pictures and letting myself feel something. When we hear things like this, it’s so easy to disconnect ourselves. If it doesn’t happen to us personally or in our city, we often don’t let ourselves feel. We feel bad, sure, but we don’t actually let it sink in. I urge you to let it sink in. Try to imagine what it would feel like to drop your child off at school and never see them again. Imagine what it’d be like to hear your sister stood in front of her students being willing to get shot to protect those children. Let yourself feel it! Put yourself there! I am guilty of trying to disconnect too. I don’t watch the news, I hate it, I have no desire to learn about all the horrible things going on this world. If I watched the news daily, I would surely live in depression. But when things like this happen, it affects so many of us, or at least it should. I hear people say they don’t want to read about it or hear about it because it’s too sad, and I understand that completely. But I think sometimes, you need to let yourself experience it. Don’t let yourself forget about this tragedy without feeling it first. 

To know that those children are all in heaven, is such a beautiful thing! They are dancing and laughing with Jesus and they are SO happy! They are in a MUCH better place than this world! 


Revelation 21:4 
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

‎”You know what the issue is with this world? Everyone wants a MAGICAL SOLUTION for their problem, and everyone refuses to BELIEVE in MAGIC.” - Once Upon A Time
I love that line! Or you could replace “magic” with MIRACLE! We all want to experience some MIRACULOUS occurrence in our lives, and yet our FAITH remains so small. We sit still and hope for amazing things to happen. We wish on stars, and candles and certain times in the day, but what good is all of that if you don’t even believe?! I don’t necessarily believe in “wishing” anyway. I believe in praying and asking for the desires of your heart. But we all want something beautiful to occur in our lives, we want something unexplainable to happen to us but we are cynical and negative and REALISTIC. Realism is boring, it’s for the people without FAITH, the people who aren’t DREAMERS! Remember, seeing isn’t believing, BELIEVING IS SEEING. Matthew 17:20He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

‎”You know what the issue is with this world? Everyone wants a MAGICAL SOLUTION for their problem, and everyone refuses to BELIEVE in MAGIC.” - Once Upon A Time

I love that line! Or you could replace “magic” with MIRACLE! We all want to experience some MIRACULOUS occurrence in our lives, and yet our FAITH remains so small. We sit still and hope for amazing things to happen. We wish on stars, and candles and certain times in the day, but what good is all of that if you don’t even believe?! I don’t necessarily believe in “wishing” anyway. I believe in praying and asking for the desires of your heart. But we all want something beautiful to occur in our lives, we want something unexplainable to happen to us but we are cynical and negative and REALISTIC. Realism is boring, it’s for the people without FAITH, the people who aren’t DREAMERS! Remember, seeing isn’t believing, BELIEVING IS SEEING. 

Matthew 17:20
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

(Source: therelatableblonde)

Growing up.

I have been wanting to blog about this topic for quite some time but I think I needed some time to calm down, because I was a little too upset about it. Let me start by saying, I have always had some sort of fascination with Christian celebrities. Why? I am a Christian, I love Jesus with my whole heart and I live my life for Him alone. I have also wanted to be an actress for most of my life, not for the fame or the money, but for the joy of doing what I love, acting. I think that fame is a burden that comes with having a job in the entertainment industry, but when people are able to use their fame to GLORIFY GOD and give HIM the credit, I LOVE it! That would explain why I love to hear about Christian celebrities, because I have always dreamt of being one. Not of being a “celebrity” because that doesn’t matter to me in the slightest, but of being an actress and being able to use the position that people in entertainment industry have not to please myself but to CHANGE THE WORLD, to promote LOVE and to have Jesus’ LIGHT SHINE so brightly through me that the only explanation there could possibly be for it, would be a higher power, the God and Savior of the universe, living IN ME!

When I find out someone, anyone, is a Christian and actually lives a life that is pleasing to God and aims to act according to Biblical principles, I am so excited! Especially when it’s a celebrity. Not because they’re “cooler” or “prettier” or “popular” but because they are looked up to by the world. Unfortunately, in our culture we look to the entertainment industry for what to do, how to act, who to be and what the believe! I would love for that to NOT be an unfortunate thing, which is why I love when there is a LIGHT in that industry, a light that is saying “Don’t look at how good I am, look at how GREAT Jesus is!”

Now to the part that is upsetting me. Many people who start out as Christians in the industry, somehow fade out of it. I understand, I do, the atmosphere in Hollywood and in the industry in general will eat you alive. If you don’t EXACTLY who you are and what you stand for before you get into that world, you will lose your morals very quickly. However, somehow I still have so much hope and faith in these Christian celebrities, because I want them to influence the world in the best way possible! In the past couple months I have been learning about these young Christians in the industry, who no longer where their purity rings. Is it necessary to wear a purity ring? Absolutely not! Is it a sin to take it off? I don’t think so, no. The reason this is upsetting is because of the replies they have given when ASKED about those rings. I don’t want to say exactly WHO said this, because I think it’s unnecessary, but I will tell you the quotes that I found from them directly, I even watched a video of one of them, flat out saying these words.

When asked, “Why do you not where you’re purity ring anymore?”
Someone replied “When I was 13 my mom spoke to me about purity and waiting for marriage… At the time I was like ‘Sure, that’s great’ but I can’t say what’s gonna happen a couple months from now. PEOPLE GROW.

I admire the honesty in the previous quote, I do. EVERYONE makes mistakes, we’re ALL sinners, we all have sinned and will continue to sin. But my problem with this, is that it doesn’t look they this person things no longer staying pure would be a mistake. They apparently think it’s a part of “growing up”… which is really ridiculous to me!

Here’s another quote.

When asked “Do you still wear your purity ring?”
They answered “You know, everyone’s kinda growing up now. It was a decision made a long time ago, I’m a different person now.”

This next one doesn’t have to do with “purity” but is still a proclaimed young Christian celebrity girl. 

She was asked “You’re getting older! What is your favorite part of growing up?”
She answered “I guess I would have to say dressing sexier!” 

This whole “growing up” thing is driving me crazy! What the heck?! I’m honestly confused. Since when did adult= promiscuous? I didn’t realize the Bible said “P.S. Once you GROW UP, you don’t have to follow what I’ve commanded of you. You’re a grown up, therefore it’s okay if you lose all sense of morals.” Sorry if that’s harsh, but come on! I do NOT judge ANYONE who has sex before marriage. It is a very hard thing to follow through with… it’s not about them not being PURE, it’s about them saying “I grew up” instead of “I made a mistake, thank God for GRACE!” And yes, I understand that’s not a topic you want to talk about anyway in front of the public, but to use GROWING UP as an EXCUSE for LACK of SELF CONTROL, is pathetic. I would admire honesty so much more! I’m not upset that that they broke the promise to themselves, that’s none of my business, it’s that they DECIDED the promise was silly and no longer relevant. It’s not saying “I messed up, I’ll try to learn from this.” It’s saying “I know longer think THIS PART of the Bible is worth following.

I honestly don’t care that people mess up and go back on their word. I sin daily! I am continually working on things in my life. Always! I understand the making mistakes part! I need forgiveness everyday of my life! But if growing up means you completely give into every fleshly desire and no longer have any regard for the spirit, if it means you abandon all understanding and beliefs in morality, if it means going back on your promises to God with no intention of asking forgiveness, if it means that trying to live according to the Bible is childish… I pray I NEVER GROW UP!

**I want everyone to know that I do not claim to know everything about these people who said these quotes. I don’t know their intentions, I don’t even know if they were just misunderstood, I don’t know their heart, all I know is what they said… I am not angry at these people personally, I am just so sad that it is nearly impossible to find genuine Christian role models in the industry. And like I said, of course even the Christians in the industry will make mistakes, because we ALL do, but like I said, the thing that upsets me is that they don’t seem to believe they made a mistake, they believe they simply… grew up.

colorado shooting.

I have been figuring out what i want to say about the shooting in Colorado all day. I’ve read numerous articles on the incident, some from the perspective of policemen, some from the perspective of people who were there and survived and some from the perspective of the family of James Holmes.

Whenever i hear about a tragic incident like this, the first thing i do is put myself in their place. I imagine what it would be life to be one of the people in that theater. To them, the night was like any other, they went out to have some fun at a midnight premiere, but then something went terribly wrong. I imagine being completely confused when someone walks into the theater, stands in front and throws a gas bomb. Then i imagine dropping behind the seats trying to hide while being in complete shock of the gunshots that just went off. Can you imagine it? It’s hard… and any way that i imagine it, it will NEVER compare to actually living it, trust me, i understand that. But i try, i try to think what they were thinking. I try to empathize, which is so much more than sympathy. I imagine people calling people they love, trying to say goodbye. I imagine parents hearing about the shooting and trying to call their children that went to the premiere. I imagine praying… whether it’s someone who prays regularly or prays only when they are in trouble, i imagine people praying, asking for forgiveness and begging for protection. I imagine being completely and utterly terrified.

This is where things get …interesting. This is why i didn’t know if i wanted to write this blog or not. This is the part that will upset some people. I imagine myself as… James. The killer. I imagine having so much pain that the only thing i want is for others to feel pain too. I don’t know pain like that, most of us don’t and even if we did we can of course argue that we are not killers. But neither was he until last night. He was a kid, then he was a high school student, then a college student. He is a boy, with a mother and a father. He has a heart, it may be hardened and it may be numb, but it’s there. And maybe it wasn’t pain that influenced him to do this, maybe it was infact mental illness, like they are claiming. I try to imagine being mentally ill, not even being able to understand whats going on in my own head, let alone around me. Then i imagine walking into that theater with the intention to kill as many people as i can, and i believe that he was terrified, just like the people in the audience. Maybe i’m wrong, maybe he was confident and excited, which is quite disgusting, but i like to think the best, yes, even when it comes to murderers because they are people too. They were a child at one point, with hopes and dreams and joy. Then something happened to them, something i can’t even imagine, whether it was pain or a mental handicap… something happened that made them become almost unhuman, and yet they are still human. I put myself in the place of his mother, wondering how the child i raised could do something like that and being confused. Or maybe she knew he had something wrong in his heart and his mind and then she’s thinking, what could i have done to change him? To make him better?

Please don’t get me wrong, i am not asking for anyone to feel sorry for James. He certainly knew what he was doing was wrong and he chose to do it anyway. But how often do we do that? Probably every day. Yes, killing 12 people and injuring many more is diffferent than stealing something and knowing it’s wrong, because you are affecting so many more people than yourself. But as a believer, i have learned that sin is sin. God forgives ALL sin. Yes, ALL. He abandons no one. If James is in a cell right now praying to God, i promise you God is listening and God is saying “You are more than your mistakes. You have the chance to start again.” Because that’s the God i know, that’s the God i worship. I am 100% NOT defending James Holmes in this case, i think he deserves a punishment for what he did, what that punishment is, thats for another conversation.

I am extremely saddened and heart broken for the families of those who lost loved ones and for all those who are injured and will carry this horrific memory with them for the rest of their lives. When i honestly go to that place in my mind when i put myself in their place, i cry, i cry hard. My prayer is that they will turn to God in this tragedy. That they are somehow able to find peace in the midst of this chaos. And that after time they are able to forgive James for what he did, not because he deserves forgiveness, but because they deserve to HEAL and you can’t heal when you are angry.

I will continue to pray for EVERYONE affected by this tragedy.
I urge you, if you have some money to spare, donate to the families effected by this awful event. The Huffington Post has just opened their website to donations, click here to help Aurora!

Psalm 23
1 Peter 1:6-7
John 14:27
John 14:1-3
Psalm 30:5 

what’s right.

There are so many INSPIRING, beautiful and talented people. There are KIND people and generous people and people that think about others more than themselves. There is BEAUTY everywhere. Beauty in nature, in everything God has CREATED. There is beauty if you look for it. There is BEAUTY if you want to find it

INVEST your energy into looking for GOOD and positive things. Don’t waste time being upset over things that won’t matter tomorrow. Let things go.

If we weren’t so consumed with what’s wrong… we would be able to see EVERYTHING that is RIGHT!

ignore what THEY say.

The other day i said the words “What do i have to do to make you happy?” to myself, thinking about another person. And then i realized, i dont. I don’t have to make THEM happy. I am not here on this earth to PLEASE others and to do what THEY want me to do. I am here to love them and to share Jesus Christ with them, yes, but i am not HERE to do what THEY SAY i should do. We are HERE FOR GOD. We are HERE to PLEASE HIM. It’s a lot easier to focus on pleasing one person, God, than pleasing the whole WORLD. Especially because whatever we do is GOOD ENOUGH for Him. God will never say to us “I’ll only love you if you do this and say this.” HE LOVES US no matter what we do or say! If we put our engery into pleasing the world, we would be easily emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually drained, because it is literally IMPOSSIBLE to please every single human being. They will ALWAYS be able to find something they DONT LIKE about us, something THEY want to CHANGE. Ignore them, they have NO IDEA what is BEST for you. I don’t even know what is best for me, but i do know WHO knows what is best for me, and that’s Jesus Christ!

They tell you to shut up after they said to speak your mind
They tend to judge your motives after you choose to be kind
They tell you that you’re wrong just to prove that they’re right
They claim to value peace but then try to pick a fight
They tell you to change when you express what you believe
They try to make you think you don’t deserve what you achieve
They tell you not to cry because they think it makes you weak
They push you to the edge to see if you’ll turn the other cheek
They tell you that you’re worthless if you dont practice what you preach
They see you make mistakes and say you have no right to teach
They tell you you’ll never win in this life they thinks a race
They sell you negativity to wipe the smile off your face
But God is saying “Speak to me! I want to hear every word
I want to listen and let you know that you are HEARD
THEY can’t see your HEART, so ignore what they have to say
They only see the OUTSIDE, they don’t know the intimacies you PRAY
My child, I didn’t make you for THEM, I made you FOR ME
So don’t be discouraged when they can’t SEE what I SEE
What I see is BEAUTIFUL, inspirational and TRUE
I see all the goodness because I’m who CREATED YOU
So look up my DARLING to find that I STILL CARE
I’m the ONLY ONE you’ll ever NEED and I’ll ALWAYS be there.”

flawed.

I have been told before, by friends of mine, that i appear to “have it all together.” That i have life figured out, that i know what to do, what to say, what to change and what not to change. So i decided i wanted to write a little something with some of my flaws, because i never want to be perceived as “having it all together” because i don’t and i never will. I will always be learning. And thats what my blogs, my poetry and my writing is about! Its not about ME telling YOU what to do and how to act, its about ME telling YOU what I’M LEARNING and what i’m trying to grow in. I tell people how i wear my heart on my sleeve and i’m an open book.. and i think thats true. If you ask me a question, i will answer with honesty, but i’m not perfect and never will be, so without you having to ask, i want to share some things that make it clear i dont have life figured out, cause i dont want anyone to ever think that or think that i think that of myself. 

First of all, who am i to think that anyone even wants to read a huge thing about my flaws? Theres flaw number one. Haha. 

One of my MANY flaws, is that when i have been told that i “have it all together” it made me happy. Initially, it made me think to myself, “Wow, thats so great that people think that of me!” Then i have to check myself. I have to ignore my flesh and listen to my spirit which says to be humble. 

Most of my first instincts are flawed, because it’s my flesh. I have to fight my flesh on a day to day basis. It doesn’t come naturally, i have to make a consistent effort to tell myself “No, that’s not right. What does Jesus say about this?” Its hard, but just because it takes time and effort, i will not stop fighting my flesh.

I tend to think i do an okay job at being humble, which of course means, that i’m not humble. If i think i have humility, then i am full of pride… and i realize that. Humility is something i will continue to pray for, but only through the grace of God could that ever be accomplished. 

I have to stop myself from telling people about “good things” that i’ve done. Sometimes i want to tell people because i’m excited about what i did and my motives are simply to share a positive and uplifting story. But sometimes i want to tell people because i want them to praise me and telling me that i’ve done good. I realize that’s wrong, and thats an example of my first instinct, my flesh that i fight. I have to tell myself “No! I didnt do that for praise, i did that because it was the right thing to do. I did it to give God the glory and not to feel glorified myself.” I’m working on that.

I am a sarcastic person. I enjoy making people laugh and i think a lot of the ways i make people laugh is through my sarcastic humor, but i have to be careful to not be hurtful. I’m one of those people who can dish it out but cant take it. When others are sarcastic towards me, it often hurts my feelings, and yet i am sarcastic on a daily basis. I think there is a way i can be sarcastic without being rude or hurtful, but i have to figure out how. I never use my sarcasm to actually hurt people on purpose, i would never want that. I try to be aware of the things that i say and the reactions people have from them so i know if what i did was hurtful, but whether i am trying to be hurtful or not, sarcasm can be dangerous, and i need to find a better way to use that humor.

I get frustrated with people. Immaturity really upsets me in ways i can’t explain. But who i am to say whether someone is mature or not? People who don’t think before they speak, upset me. But that is one of my flaws myself, speaking before thinking, so i am trying to learn to think before i speak. People who are always negative and rude upset me, but i have to learn to be kind through the frustration. Its not easy, but its worth it… and i’m trying.

I love kindness, but it is easier for me to be kind to strangers and people i barely know, than to be kind to my family and my close friends. I honestly don’t know why that is, i wish i knew so i could fix it. I’m trying to work on being kinder to my family, but for some reason it just doesnt come naturally. Not that i am ever mean to my family, i just think i give them a harder time than i may give my friends and people i dont know, but i dont think i’m especially rude or mean to them. But i’m also not as kind as i could be, i’m not as kind to them as i am kind to people i dont know and i would like to fix that. I would like to be consistent.

Writing this required a lot of vulnerablity from me, which is also something i could work on. I would like to be more vulnerable with the people in my life on a day to day basis, i think vulnerablity not only makes us more open but it also can make us more sensetive to others, and thats a beautiful thing! 

This clearly was just a tiny portion of a long list of flaws and imperfections i have. But they are some of the ones i wanted to share, some of the things that i think people should know about me. :)

My Hero.

Jesus, 
You’re the Hero of my story and the rythm in my song
Without You, i wouldn’t have the strength that makes me strong
You’re the voice behind my words and the beating in my heart
In the puzzle of my life, You’re every intricate part
You’re the soul behind my thoughts and the passion in my dreams
You’re the lead character of my life, You’re the star of every scene
You’re the music in my head and the sunshine in my day
You’re the blue in my sky and the path in my way
You’re the friend that never leaves, You’re the courage when i’m brave
When you had to choose Your life or mine, i’m the one You saved
You’re the talent in my art and You’re the rhyme in this poem
You’re the hope that keeps me holding on, You’re my peace, You’re my home